I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
