So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
