Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
