Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
