The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
