Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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