Fuck appropriateness.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
