You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
