You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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