Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
