Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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