His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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