If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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