he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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