Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Welp...herpes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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