I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
