Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
