Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
