I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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