This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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