You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
