But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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