so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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