your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
