You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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