I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
