why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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