I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
