I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
