what day is it and did you see me today?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
