What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
