Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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