we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
