oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
