I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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