how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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