Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
