well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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