I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
