I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
