as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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