I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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