We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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