Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
