You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
