I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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