weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
