Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
