My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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