Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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