Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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